I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
