i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You were trust falling into bushes
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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