i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
