So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
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You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
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It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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