he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
