I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
