Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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