3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
tell me about the eggs
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
