new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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