marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
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