We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
