I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
A+ Viking dick
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
