i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
love makes seman taste better
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
