My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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