My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
