my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Banned from zoo.
Again?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
