I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
