Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
