yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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