i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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