I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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