I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
