The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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