it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
