You're so nebulous sometimes
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
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She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
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