I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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