This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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