A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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