I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
