JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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