so that wasnt chicken after all
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
farters have to be the big spoon...
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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