that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
