the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would ride that face into the sunset
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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