know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize