Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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