You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
