So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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