I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
