So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
