pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
