When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
