i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
