Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i dont even know how to be here
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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