did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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