Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
