cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
