I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
