there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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