your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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