what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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