I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
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Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
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At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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