I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
