Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize