I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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