You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
