i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
