He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He passed out mid-signature
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
They have beer where we have blood.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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