I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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