i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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