dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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