Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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