I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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