Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
