i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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