I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize