you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
