You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
